![]() The guys who either couldn’t get a date or who were deeply entrenched in the friend zone with the women they desired. I began to notice other men who seemed to be a lot like me. I was sure the map was accurate, but no matter how hard I tried, it never got me to my desired destination.Īs my personal awareness increased, an interesting thing happened. It was like I was trying to navigate my away around Seattle with a map of San Francisco. I came to realize that the road map I had been using my entire life was extremely flawed and incapable of helping me get what I wanted. I began to learn about things like boundaries, self-care, self-soothing, and honesty. I slowly began to see how my “Nice Guy” behavior was not only not getting me what I wanted in my relationship, it was actually doing great damage. When it became apparent that our relationship wasn’t working well for either of us, I decided (actually, she gave me an ultimatum, “Go to counseling or I’m leaving.”) to join a men’s group and get some counseling. I was passive aggressive – expressing my pent up feelings and resentments in “humor,” put downs, sarcasm, and backhanded jabs. I sought external validation from other women. I avoided conflict and withheld any information – including my feelings and wants – that I thought might rock the boat or start a fight. ![]()
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